my skin is too thin.
you can almost see it, flesh stretched over frame, opaque...translucent. how can those things be when they're seemingly opposite?
i've tried to change. i've tried not to care.
sometimes i pretend well, but sometimes i retreat.
i'm a turtle in a shell.
my mind is forgetful, so forgetful; i can't recall the simplest of things - what did i wear yesterday? - but my heart has elephant's memory.
there are wounds, some decades old, still oozy. from the fresh, blood seeps.
it's not a giving in to it, languishing in a pool of sorrow, not like that at all. it's f e e l i n g, and that deeply, a soul haunting.
a scar. yes, that's it...scars! words lash and leave their mark, actions speak and shatter glass...and a heart is scarred, and though it'd like to, it cannot forget.
the heart always remembers.
i wonder, indeed, if this is how i am naturally wired, than this is good. i'm a child of EL-ROI, the strong one who sees, EL-SHADDAI, God almighty; so He who sees me, He who gave me life, for cryin' out loud...is perfectly able to change me.
but He hasn't. so if my skin refuses to callous, to thicken, then must this way of being be for my good and His glory?
i think so.
i choose to believe so.
thin makes you aware. it opens your eyes, although sometimes not until later. thin builds compassion, it tenders you to others. thin is far from perfect, but maybe most of all, thin informs forgiveness.
left untended, thin is a gnarl of weeds, ugly and bitter and angry.
wisdom seekers see thin's beauty, life coursing in rivers below skin's surface.
i'm comfortable in this skin, thankful for its redemption.
its r e d e m p t i o n ...
maybe one day i'll stop wishing to change.
* * * * * * * *
Joining Heather of the EO's "Just Write" writing prompt...I sure didn't see this one coming... :).