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The paradox of my father's bedside manner

The way my father expressed TLC sometimes tilted toward the rough and gruff, but there was no mistaking it as Love In Action; and it provided substance for some of my earliest childhood memories.

Sometimes I think there's something wrong with me, though:  my power of recollection is miserable.

I suppose that's one reason I enjoy blogging; recording thought and experience helps me to remember.  I've never been a consistent journaler but I admire those who are; maybe it's because I don't enjoy writing longhand.  I'm sure it's why I loved the One Line a Day/five-year memory book--short and sweet.

My childhood memories are scant.  Sometimes I wonder if that's because my mom was so sick the five years preceding her death, I intentionally tried to block memory.  I don't think that's necessarily the case, but I do wonder.

Which makes the memories I DO have all the more special. 

Even if they aren't the happiest of memory--like when I sprained my ankle trying to stand on the banana seat of my bike after seeing a circus act--I hold them tight and close to prevent them from becoming ghosts of memory-past.

Crazy as this sounds, it's one of the main reasons I said yes when Vicks VapoRub asked me to join their Winter blogging campaign--because of how strongly that product is tied to childhood memory ~~~

I can still envision the scene, repeated several times over.  Our small three-bedroom apartment, a console TV facing the curly-maple antique coffee table that sat in front of a patchwork sofa where I camped out during the day.  When I had a Winter cold, I'd pop Bayer baby aspirin and Coricidins like candy; for some reason, it made me feel like a grown-up.

Sometimes I couldn't breathe, my nose so stuffy blowing it didn't help a bit.  But my dad had the cure-all in a little blue bottle--Vicks VapoRub. 

His actions were gruff-tender--rubbing Vicks from neck to chest then covering with a bath cloth so my pajamas wouldn't get messy.  He'd fill the vaporizer and plug it in (anyone else remember hovering your face over it to feel the mist blow in your face?).  But then the part I hated:  cramming a glop of Vicks up my nostrils. 

I'd squirm and writhe to get away (he didn't care for that too much).

I'd protest and beg "Noooo!" (fell on deaf ears)

He definitely had the size advantage.

And when all was said and done, it worked!  I could breathe easier and always felt better.

But mostly I felt loved. 

When I was older and could finally read the small print that instructed you not to cram Vicks up your nose, I shared the information with my father (he was of the opinion I still needed his help with the product).  He wasn't impressed and I'm pretty sure he never stopped using it his way. 

And to this day, whenever I open the lid of Vicks VapoRub and smell those mentholly, eucalyptusy vapors, I think of my father. 

And I still feel the love.  His love.

The strength of memory is tied to the senses I suppose; in this case I can see, smell, feel and hear history. 

Your turn:  Can you relate?  Do you have a strong sense-memory from your childhood?  What are your oldest memories (and can anyone else "amen" my Vicks story?)?  I'd love to hear about 'em!!  If you aren't a blogger, share in comments; if you are, please link a related current OR past post below.  I linked one from yesterday to getcha started :)

And to earn my keep as a Vicks VapoRub blogger*, would you please head over to their Facebook page and give 'em a Like?  They won't overfill your wall with updates and you'll get notice on new product releases, fun giveaways, and interactive commenting.  And you'll see what their first VapoDad, Drew Brees, has to say about Vicks VapoRub :).

 

 

*In the spirit of full disclosure, I'm compensated for my time in writing product-related posts, though I wouldn't dare agree if they told me what to say!!

The care and keeping of imagination

“'Sometimes,' said Pooh, 'the smallest things
take up the most room in your heart.'" said Pooh.
~ A.A. Milne

 

My children are taller than me.  The laundry room door looms as reminder.

I look up into their eyes and remember when they looked up into mine, and the shift in reality and perspective happened so quietly no one even noticed when up was down and down was up.

In a sense, I bless and curse this, their growing up. It's what we want, of course.  It's only
n a t u r a l, and truly, I don't want to go back.

Most of the time.

But then there are the least of the times, which uncomfortably feels like r i g h t n o w. 

Childhood is calling....

Mine?  Theirs?  I don't even know,  but it's tugging ~ hard ~ at heartstrings...

have you ever felt such a thing? 

....and this palpable, nonsensical longing makes me mad.

I want to build a fort.

(There.  I said it.)

The type kindled from blankets and imagination, where an ordinary dining room table extraordinarily transforms to another place, another time.  Walls are pillowed, quarters are cramped-yet-cozy and tea parties never taste better. 

I'm a child of the 60s and 70s, and no matter what they actually looked like, we imagined our forts resembled the inside of Jeannie's bottle--colorful and comfy and impossible to penetrate by outsiders. 

Imagination is one of God's most gracious gifts to humankind, don't you think?  Why do we all too often let it grow smaller the older we get? 

I think I shall begin to pray about this very thing: 
to have more imagination. 

On the other hand, meal times beg for convention.  Cloths top that same dining room table, perfectly set with napkins and forks to the left, knives and spoons to the right, and chairs gather round, soon to be sagging by indulgence and satisfaction.  Good manners are certain to companion good food. 

And there's nothing wrong with this, in fact family dinners are delight; especially when travelers are seated at the table.  I'm grateful beyond measure for those who make effort to visit, who travel miles and wrangle wild ones for hours on end.  I know the price they've paid and it means something to me. 

I count it as love.

Perhaps it's the Thanksgiving feast that stirs this soul hunger, that birthed this particular yearning.  Maybe it was our rare occasion to host a holiday gathering, and the fact everyone else had to travel here, as contrasted to the more often our (the only out-of-town family) traveling there. 

Our table wasn't just set with utensils and linens and food to the overflow, it was a stage for laughter...stories...moments and memories. 

The same thing as a blanket-draped fort fueled by imagination. 

The rain hammers outside my window.  Relentless.  Melancholy.  Rhythmic.  I like her song--it's a perfect score for longing.  Not sad, mind you!  If you sense sadness you've missed it altogether!  This is fond remembrance, a childhood happy place; a sprinkle of "wistful" is the key to feeling it all the way down deep and remembering it like a child.

So why am I mad? 

Because I'm a grown up and grown ups don't build forts.  Not without their children, anyway.  And I feel silly for even thinking such a thing let alone wrestling with the idea...and yet, here I go and write about it?! 

Something about all of this I like, it's who I am.  I'm comfortable in this skin, even if it's slightly wrinkled and somewhat conflicted.  I hope when I'm older and grayer my eyes twinkle mischief.

The dryer signals the end of another cycle and I answer its call; the laundry room door mocks me coming and going.

But then the funnest thought of them all slips in unexpectedly, coaxing a grin Cheshire Cat wide--

One day I'll make an awesome grandmother.

Happy is he who still loves something he loved in the nursery:  He has not been broken in two by time; he is not two men, but one, and he has saved not only his soul but his life. 
~ G.K. Chesterton

In my soul, I am still that small child who did not care about anything else but the beautiful colors of a rainbow. 
~ Papiha Ghosh

A rumor of enchantment

“The first fall of snow is not only an event, it is a magical event. You go to bed in one kind of a world and wake up in another quite different, and if this is not enchantment then where is it to be found?”
~J.B. Priestley

Whispers of snow in the forecast send me wishin' on stars and tossing salt over my shoulder.  Kidding--I'm sure I'll wake up tomorrow with a floody front yard instead of sleddy.  But as I snuggle under a pile of covers tonight, the mere thought will have me dreaming of dancing sugar plums and smiling in my sleep.

I found this wonderful quote by Priestley on a post by Miz Booshay over at Pioneer Woman Photography; it's a delicious elixir of words that perfectly expresses my heart on the matter.

Sweet dreams or no dreams....

xo

Sweet mercy ~ Cyber Monday BARGAINS you do NOT want to miss, I promise!

Note:  Be sure to scroll through this entire post to discover the BEST 2011 Cyber Monday deals (or at least some you might otherwise not know about)!!  Affiliate links are scattered throughout, and if you click through and buy something, you might be buying me a cup of coffee (eventually), too!!  So THANK YOU for your support!! xo

When I get a really FANTASTIC DEAL, two things happen:

a)  I feel like I've won the lottery.

b)  I'm compelled to tell others.

I've already shared some magnificent bargains that began Black Friday and continue through Monday--like half-price Old Navy and up to 70% off some of my favorite things at DaySpring--but I've discovered a few more deals you don't want to miss.

1.  Therapon

If you have ever wanted to try Therapon?  Now is the time.  If you're already a loyal user, now is the time to STOCK UP.  Click the button below for details, but note special deals will run on the hour beginning at 8:00 am CST.  *Like* Therapon on Facebook and you'll receive an extra amazing deal.

2.   Groupon

$94 for a Sony Bloggie Touch MP4 Camera (RV $179.99)!!

Click around a bit once you're there; you'll find other deals but this one seems too good to be true (hurry--I think they can sell out!).

3.  Living Social. 

Oh my word.  Christmas shopping could start and finish with these deals!

• Bluefly: $25 for $50 to spend (50% off) plus free shipping on orders over $100
• Snapfish: $15 for $30 to spend at Snapfish.com this holiday season (50% off)
• Red Envelope: $20 for $40 to use at RedEnvelope.com (50% off)
• Wine.com: $40 for $80 to use at Wine.com (50% off)
• Fanatics Sports Shop:  $10 for $20 to spend at fanatics.com (50% off)
• Fatheads:  $25 for $50 to spend at fathead.com (50% off)
• and more, a total of 15!!

3.  Blog conference discount.

I have put into practice what I've learned at Type-A Parent Conference probably more than any other conference I've attended and already have my ticket for next year's event.  Buy yours today, use the code CYBERPARENT, & receive 25% off your registration.

 

4.  Beautiful, artist-crafted jewelry.

My friends Lisa & Lisa are offering Cyber Monday deals.  Both of their designs are jewelry pieces I wear often...and commonly receive compliments on.

Lisa Lehmann ~ 25% off all gift certificates (good after January 1) and surprise pop up 30% off deals posted hourly on her Facebook page.

Lisa Leonard ~ $60 for a $75 gift certificate (shhhh!  This one's a secret!!).

5.  Amazon (of course).

If you're going to do any online shopping through Amazon, this week is the time to do it.  You'll want to check back for daily specials.

 

 

6.  Just in case you don't click back to my previous post, I've gotta mention DaySpring's 14 Super Specials plus receive 30% off your TOTAL ORDER by using the code SUPER30 at checkout.

 

If you can buy it online, chances are today is the day to pull the trigger; top retailers are offering the best online deals of the 2011 season on Cyber Monday:

Ann Taylor ~ 50% off everything & free shipping

Staples ~ Crazy deals

Best Buy's Cyber Monday Sale

Kohl's Cyber Monday Sale

JCPenney's Cyber Monday Sale

Staples' Cyber Monday Sale

Walmart's Cyber Monday Sale

 

 

The best/crazy/awesome Black Friday ~Cyber Monday deals from the comfort of home & your jammies

While you're scouring the internet for the best Black Friday Deals, why not click through links/badges you find on your favorite blogs?  Most are affiliate links, which mean if you purchase anything from your click-through, you might be tipping your aforementioned favorite blogger for their words of wisdom or entertainment value.  Bloggers earn coffee money through agreeing to place links on their sites; shoppers earn wonderful deals.  Win-win, right?  

Here are some of my favorite deals, many of which continue through Cyber Monday.  If you're planning on shopping online, I sure do appreciate you clicking through my site to Amazon, DaySpring, Living Social, Groupon and Toms Shoes.  

Really...truly...t h a n k you!

 

Is it wrong that I want one of these MARSHMALLOW SHOOTERS??   Two for under $30 seems like a plan to me....

 

 

• 14 Super Specials at 60-70% off!!!
• 30% off EVERYTHING including my two FAVORITE items ~ Lisa Leonard's/DaySpring necklace and the Ever Grateful Memo Board

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Living Social National Deals!

• Verizon Wireless ($25 for $50!!)
• Office Max ($10 for $20!!  Ink cartridges, anyone??)
• FTD Florist ($15 for $35 ~ What a wonderful idea--flowers as an affordable hostess gift!!)
• Shoprunner ($30 for $79 ~ less than half off...yes!)
• SKECHERS ($20 for $40)
• Hearst Magazines ($5 for $12 ~ Including House Beautiful, Redbook, Veranda, Harper's Bazaar, O the Oprah Magazine, Food Network Magazine, Good Housekeeping, Marie Claire, Town & Country...more)
• Danskin ($20 for $40)

 

Check out Groupon's Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals...there are TEN great ones!  (Not already registered?  All it takes is an email and your location.)

And yet another from Grouponicus (national deals, not just local) that includes $20 for $10 from Old Navy!!

Please:  tell ME the best Cyber Monday deals you know about!  

An accounting lesson every parent needs to learn and practice

Some of the best parenting advice I can offer is over 2000 years old.  It's as relevant today as it was when first recorded, though it wasn't even suggested in the context of parent-child relationship ~

Keep current in your relationships; maintain a short account with your teens and tweens.  Don't let a day go by without speaking words that need to be said.

• Offer a sincere apology when you've offended.
• Grant forgiveness when you've been offended.
• Provide encouragement when discouragement looms.
• Say I love you.  Often.
• Tell stories, share your life's minutia...

Don't let anything important ~ anything ~ go unsaid.

Whether or not you're a follower of Christ, words recorded in Scripture make practical sense for everyone ~

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. ~ Ephesians 4:26, 27 NLT

The passage in Matthew where Jesus basically asserts that words can kill and you better make things right, and quickly.

In Hebrews, where we're cautioned to "work at living in peace with everyone" and not to "watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up" troubling you and corrupting many. 

Because we don't know what tomorrow will bring, isn't it necessary and right and considerate to remain current with our children?  To take the high road, if need be, and reconcile relationship when it's been severed.

We're the grown-ups!  Our children need us to act the part, to take the first step in making amends, to make sure we aren't the ones harboring anger, resentment or bitterness.  They'll follow our lead.

One of the most poignant examples of doing this well and right was illustrated following the unexpected death of a friend of mine.  Her daughter's moving eulogy was indicator they were current; her daughter could let her go because there was nothing left unsaid between them.  

Are you current in your relationship with your children?  Is there anything you need to say or do?  Are there stories you want them to hear from you, family lore they won't otherwise learn?  Please...don't let another day go by without making sure you've got a very short account with your teen or tween.

 

Parenting Teens & Tweens, Day 24

Thanks to those of you who have subscribed in a reader or by email!  I hope you're enjoying reading my parenting series as much as I'm delighting in writing it.  Only a few days left and I hope you're checking in!

Apparently @Starbucks is reading my blog... ~ & a challenge for you! ~

 So...apparently there IS power in the digital pen. 

After I mocked the giant coffee mermaid, their marketing genuises (<--- they really are genuises imo) got together over an overpriced steaming latte, and decided to give a little back to their customers.  From Thursday, November 17 ~ Saturday the 20th, from 2~5 pm, you and a friend can enjoy half-priced Peppermint Mochas, Gingerbread Lattes, or the one I'm trying, Caramel Brûlée Latte.  Of course you have to buy one Starbucks drink to get the other free, but they do need to cover the wages of their sometimes-entertaining baristas, right?

Wanna join me in a challenge?

Truth be told, Starbucks' Caramel Macchiatos are one of my guiltiest pleasures.  Adding insult to injury, I order mine brevé, which in Sbux pretentious vernacular means even more fattening aka with half & half instead of anything "skinny."  Which of course means not only more calories but more money, unless you have a gold Starbucks card, which we do I'm not proud  don't judge me and then I think you get it free.  But the calories are still there.

Anyways...during the month of December, when chillerific weather invites your favorite steamy beverage and mine...I'm giving up Starbucks and giving away what I'd spend.  This might seem like a small gesture (especially financially), but fasting from something I enjoy weekly becomes an offering to the Lord.

Do you think I'm crazy?

In other words, because I know I "can't" have it, I want it more. 

The void increases the want.  And every dingdang time I crave a yummy drink from Starbucks, holiday or otherwise, I pray for the children and staff of Compassion. 

Fasting brings to mind the object of my motivation and in my remembering, I pray.

So...if you'd like to join me in a similar Christmas challenge, would you let me know in comments?  It will be a delight to join someone else of like mind; not to say how great we are, but to acknowledge that a small denial to self can be a soul offering to another.

 

24

The marriage, not Jack Bauer's Reality Series.

Twenty-four years of roller coaster livin', ups and downs and twists and twirls that have combined for a breath-taking thrill ride. 

Which makes me glad I buckled up for safety...and even gladder I said "yes" to the blue-eyed brunette who asked for my hand in marriage all those years ago.  And since the rest of me was attached to the hand, he got a package deal.

It's all leading up to a spectacular Silver Anniversary in 2012...what could the next 12 months bring?

Hmmmm, what could the next year bring?

Well, I have a twinkling of an idea, but you'll just have to stay tuned to see.  I'm expecting something just around the corner I can't wait to tell you about...something I never dreamed of at this stage in life....

or maybe I'm just teasing so you'll stick around a while.

Or maybe it's the biggest cliffhanger since I began blogging.

Maybe one day I'll tell.

Maybe not.

There's only one way to know for sure, right?  Subscribe in a reader or by email.

 

The imperfect mother #fail (or Pot meet Kettle...)

The other week I was weighted by relatively moderate stresses--

• looming writing deadlines
• work and volunteer obligations
• the fear of speaking on two radio shows hosted by women I admire
• and not completing my 31-day Parenting series in 31 consecutive days. 

In the midst of my writing a piece some might deem as controversial or questionable, my youngest asked me if I would quiz him.

"Stephen...!" I snarled, with That Voice my children know too well, the one where they don't have to look at my face to see my exasperated and inconvenienced expression, the tone I never use with anyone to whom I didn't give birth. 

"You KNOW how important it is to choose your timing well when you need something from me, and can't you see I am TRYING to finish this post, and..." before I could go on with my rant, he looked back to his book, resigned, knowing that I was right and he was wrong because he hadn't first considered the timing of his interruption, sincerely agreeing, "I know I know I know...."

It was obvious he DID feel bad for interrupting me and not choosing a "better" time, but there was something in his complicity that made me stop to consider the importance of what I was doing versus what he had asked of me.  I decided to muzzle my bark, table my writing for a few minutes, and quiz him on his material.

I closed my laptop as he handed me his...Bible.

His m a t e r i a l ....

Really, God?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? 

He wasn't studying for a test; in fact, it wasn't even for school.

Philippians 2.  All 30 verses.  He had memorized the passage for his Life Group.

All he wanted me to do was listen.

And really, beyond "quizzing" him, he wanted me to share in his accomplishment, to be proud of him.  In essence to show off, BUT WHAT BETTER THING TO SHOW OFF?!

When he got to verse three, it became quite clear God has a ~

• great sense of humor...
  
  • a delight in irony...
    • perfect timing

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

And when he was done and ready to be-bop to the next thing, when I was sure he no longer needed my undivided attention, I opened my laptop and finished my post where I tell you how to be a better parent.

Irony not wasted. 

:)

Telling stories

No matter what you do in your life,
what you create, what career you have,
whether you have a family or kids, or make a lot of money…
your greatest creation is always going to be
your life’s story.
Because it’s like this container
that holds all of those other things.
~ Jonathan Harris, artist

As hard as it is for your children to believe, you had a life before you had them.

The best way to share who you are as people, not just parents, is through storytelling.  In story, you can bring to life the people, places and things that made you who you are.

And though it's true that some people are natural born storytellers, inclined to hold you hostage as they unravel a tale of the spectacular woven from the ordinary, no one is better qualified to tell your story than you! 

An oral tradition of your family is just as important as the photographs you take.

Think about it--when your children were lap-size, before they could speak or read or even recognize letters, you read books to them.  How did they stall going to bed e.v.e.r.y. single night?  "Read me a story," they'd beg, and I bet more often than not, you did.  

And they never tired of reading the same book over and over and over again, until you were begging them to choose something new.

Remember?

Whether by oral tradition or written account, why is sharing your life stories with your children so important?

• It introduces them to people, places and events they might not otherwise know.
• A family is greater than the sum of its parts; sharing your past enriches their present.
• It helps them better understand their relatives--their motives, choices and idiosyncrasies.
• It can build a sense of identity, family loyalty, pride.
• It strengthens generations.

Even if you think your life has been relatively boring, it has all the essentials of good story--characters and conflict, good guys and bad guys, twists and transformation, passion and desire. 

Once you've stopped reading books to your children, after they've transitioned from learning to read to reading to learn, when they hit those tween years and can engage in meaningful conversation, it's time to start telling the stories of your life.

Tap into your wealth of memory and share the stories of your youth...

• portraits of your best friends
• how you spent Summer vacation or other memorable trips
• favorite holiday memories
• your easiest/hardest subjects in school
• how your parents ~ their grandparents ~ disciplined you
• your relationship with your siblings, their aunts and uncles

...the stories of personal transformation...

• your faith journey
• achieving goals
• mastering a new skill
• dealing with difficult circumstance
• overcoming obstacles and on-going struggles

...your love story with your spouse...

• how you met
• what attracted you to him/her
• when you knew he/she was "the one"
• your conflicts

It doesn't really matter what you tell, just that you tell.

Over and over and over. 

My parents are no longer living and my grandparents passed away before I was old enough to remember their stories.  What I would give now for them to open doors to their youth and young adult years....

Which is motivating for me to tell my stories; to urge my husband to tell his.  In writing this, I realize we haven't enough. 

There's simply no such thing as "enough" or "too much."

If you aren't from a family of storytellers or don't quite know where to begin, you might find it useful to use a ready-made journal as your guide.  I have a copy of To Our Children's Children: Preserving Family Histories for Generations to Come by Bob Greene & D.G. Fulford that has wonderful, guided questions. 

Don't assume your children already know all your stories or don't care to know. 

The older they get, the more they'll appreciate knowing, especially when they have children of their own.   And if your own parents or grandparents are still living and you realize you don't know more about them than you do?

Start asking questions before it's too late.  The answers are buried treasure just waiting to be unearthed.

Your turn:  Can you think of additional reasons telling families is beneficial?  DO share in comments!!

 

Parenting Teens & Tweens, Day 23

Thanks to those of you who have subscribed in a reader or by email!  I hope you're enjoying reading my parenting series as much as I'm delighting in writing it.  And to those who've taken time to email or comment?  You have no idea how encouraging your words are to ME!! xo

 

Please click for photo credit.