~ 31 Days of Parenting Teens & Tweens, Day 13 ~
Make no mistake, there is a battle for the heart of your child, and the world's allure is often irresistible.
To me, it is often the little things that can cause the biggest tangle; the things that don't seem like such a big deal to most people.
Like assuming a victim mentality…
It's one of the mountains my husband and I have chosen to die on. A victim mentality is one of THE most undesirable, unattractive character traits a person can have, but because of its prevalence in our culture, it's one we have to constantly battle.
Perhaps a victim mentality's biggest stronghold is many people don't even recognize it as a problem.
What do I mean by "victim mentality"? Blaming everyone else for your shortcomings, failings and woes of your world.
So, how do you counter a victim mentality in your tween or teen?
- When you see it manifested, point it out to your child.
- My teacher didn't go over that in class (to explain a bad grade).
- I didn't know Coach scheduled an extra practice (when everyone else showed up).
- You didn't tell me you were washing clothes (on a school morning when he can't find anything within dress code to wear…and there's a pile of dirty laundry on his floor).
- Help them understand how to assume responsibility for their own actions.
- Easier said than done, especially for one who is accustomed to finger pointing and assigning blame.
- Take every opportunity to illustrate examples when you spot a victim mentality in others or even on the news or tv.
- Hold them accountable for their actions
- Allow natural consequences to run their course.
- Don't makes excuses for them.
- Make sure you aren't modeling a victim mentality yourself!
Addressing this and nipping it in the bud during your children's middle and high school years will shape them into a much more pleasant and responsible young adult; don't assume they'll grow out of it.
Your turn: Think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill? Are there other "little things" that are mountains to you? Do share in comments…I'm curious!
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